A Vital Ally
My fondest childhood memory is singing to the music coming from the speakers of my family’s old Chevy Horizon. When familiar groups of notes would play, I would yell, "Mommy! It's my song!" For me, it was the simplest of all joys.
Through frequencies and vibrations, music emits a power that cannot be physically handled or seen by the human eye. It is heard and felt. To this day, music is one of the most impactful artforms on the planet. It touches millions of people of all ages and walks of life.
For myself, music began as a source of entertainment. As I matured, it grew to become a passion. Music brought me a sense of excitement and freedom that could transport me to another place. It was a means of escape during difficult times.
Even before we are born, music can make its mark. There are photographs of my mother's swollen belly with headphones on its sides. It was her intention to bring comfort to her baby in utero. She was very aware that a fetus could be exposed to sounds and have positive effects for her baby. My father was a musician who plugged in his bass guitar on a regular basis. Since my parents shared a love of music, my childhood home was permeating with song. Fleetwood Mac would whisper through the stereo on a warm Summer's day. Air Supply would frequently be blaring while my mom was cleaning the house. I believe that this early exposure gave me my musical inclination.
Over the years, music has proven to be much more than momentary entertainment. It has become a form of therapy, a method of meditation, and a place of safety. As an adolescent, I was never lonely as long as a song filled the air. When I needed to be consoled, music was my companion. It became something I could rely on. Music has been my saving grace.
The gift of music gave me the courage to speak on feelings that I would never say. My music is sheer vulnerability. I like to say that my lyrics and songs are, "my guts out on display." Being so transparent, while exposing yourself to others, can be terrifying. Music gives me the confidence to get out of my head and in turn, out of my own way.
Through my musical trials and tribulations, I have learned countless lessons. I was taught perseverance, resilience, and self-assurance.
From 19 to 21 years-old, I had given up on my pursuit of music as a career. I believed that it was an impractical pursuit that I was not good enough to succeed in. My love for music never left me, but I had stopped sharing creating and sharing my music with others.
The only creative outlet I never let up on was scribing countless emotions into my journals. I spent the majority of this time period alone. Loneliness left too much room for thought.
Without a mode of transportation, I found myself stranded for days on end in a rural town. My only solace was my collection of CDs and journals. With Joan Jett humming out of my headphones, I walked to a job only to perform un-filling work.
Looking back, I realize that I was in a rut. I was in relationships with people whom did not share the same interests and did not appreciate music like I did. This fact left me feeling even more isolated. Eventually, I realized that I needed to express my building despondence in a way that was more substantial than writing. I wanted to expel my sentiments in a bigger way. I wanted to forcefully purge them and cleanse my soul. I needed to sing.
Taking advantage of my solitude, I began to turn my journal entries into melodies. Using a micro cassette voice recorder, I documented all of my ideas. I kept them to myself. After all, this awakening was for me.
I carried on this way for weeks. It became clear that this self-expression was improving my state of mind. However, something inside of me needed further resolve.
I began to invite friends over to "jam.” I had fed into isolation for so long that I didn't think to reach out to others, who might understand my passion. All it took was a few chords on an acoustic guitar to bring the magic back into my life. Since then, I have been chasing my musical dream.
On April 26th, 2018, Horriblyright released its debut album, Conjure the Cure. Music is now my career. The only path I see. It has elevated my want to continue so much more.
I continue to learn from my art. I know there is always room for improvement. Each passing week shines a light on an area that could use more of my attention. I had my share of far falls, but my craft has always been there to lift me up. I write it down and sing it out. Relief comes in an instant. Each melody peels away a layer. Bringing me closer to my truth.
Music has been the singular constant of my existence. Among all of the fair-weather friends and fluctuating situations, music has proven to be a vital ally.